Why is it whenever I am late for work as an academic tutor, I always have to share the road with some fool who insists on going two miles an hour in a thirty five mile an hour zone. To top it off, this same dummy has to drive in the left lane!
Did you miss the memo from the DMV? Did the DMV forget to mail you the real driver’s manual? So, let me break this down to you! Page one of the DMV manual would tell you to not drive in the left lane if you drive slower than most people walk! Do not drive in the left lane if you see people zooming past you in the right lane! Do not drive in the left lane if you see snails and ants laughing at you as they pass you!
The right lanes are for people who drive at least the speed limit. The left lane is for those who go at least 10 miles over the speed limit. If you want to drive ten miles an hour, go to a golf course and drive a golf cart.
Some people actually have annoying academic tutoring clients to meet.
Showing posts with label car. Show all posts
Showing posts with label car. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
The light pole…with 40 signs on it
The Super Fickle Pickle is coming to a neighborhood near you! She will be putting up annoying parking restriction signs on your street. The more she likes you, the more parking restriction signs you get. And, if you don’t adhere to the restrictions on the signs, the Super Fickle will be there to give you a stiff ticket. After all, it’s hard to finance a blog as a pickle, especially if you are super and fickle.
The Super Fickle Pickle did a pilot program in West Hollywood, California. In one neighborhood, she put 5 signs up on one light pole.
Sign one read: no parking any time between 12-3 on the second Thursday of every other month.
Sign two read: No parking on Friday between 7 and 10 unless there’s a parade or a sporting event (parade floats and pink scooters are exempt).
Sign three read: No cars over 8 tons or under 7 tons can park on the street all day Tuesdays unless their axles are imported from China (Tonka trucks are exempt).
Sign four read: No parking on cloudy days or days in which there is more than 51% cloud cover (rainy days exempt).
And finally, sign five read: No parking unless your car has been washed within the last 2 days.
With these signs, I’m sure to make a barrel of money dishing out tickets and accepted large bribes. Life will be great, wonderful and grand. And maybe, the Super Fickle Pickle will live like a pickle should, rich and privileged but still super and fickle.
The Super Fickle Pickle did a pilot program in West Hollywood, California. In one neighborhood, she put 5 signs up on one light pole.
Sign one read: no parking any time between 12-3 on the second Thursday of every other month.
Sign two read: No parking on Friday between 7 and 10 unless there’s a parade or a sporting event (parade floats and pink scooters are exempt).
Sign three read: No cars over 8 tons or under 7 tons can park on the street all day Tuesdays unless their axles are imported from China (Tonka trucks are exempt).
Sign four read: No parking on cloudy days or days in which there is more than 51% cloud cover (rainy days exempt).
And finally, sign five read: No parking unless your car has been washed within the last 2 days.
With these signs, I’m sure to make a barrel of money dishing out tickets and accepted large bribes. Life will be great, wonderful and grand. And maybe, the Super Fickle Pickle will live like a pickle should, rich and privileged but still super and fickle.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
The Car Door: Close it Once in a While
I’m driving and I make a right turn down a street that is the width of a sidewalk. Because of the size of the street, I decide to go only 50 miles an hour instead of 60 in a 35 mile an hour zone. After all, I want to be safe and not run over anyone.
All of a sudden I have to slam on my brakes. Why? Because some fool has his car door wide open for absolutely no apparent reason.
Car doors should be opened for one reason only: to allow passengers and the driver to exit the car. Your car door doesn’t need to be open while you wait for a friend. You do not need to open your car door if you want to pour molded coffee out of your cup. Your car door doesn’t need to be open to yell at a neighbor across the street (unless you want to fight the neighbor and need to exit the car.) If you are curious about the weather outside, you don’t need to open your car door.
One day I’m going to forget to go 50 miles an hour in a 35 mile an hour zone. I’m going to go my usual 70 miles an hour and hit your door. Then you will have a car with no door. Maybe I’ll be liable. Maybe I won’t but you will remember to close your door in the future.
All of a sudden I have to slam on my brakes. Why? Because some fool has his car door wide open for absolutely no apparent reason.
Car doors should be opened for one reason only: to allow passengers and the driver to exit the car. Your car door doesn’t need to be open while you wait for a friend. You do not need to open your car door if you want to pour molded coffee out of your cup. Your car door doesn’t need to be open to yell at a neighbor across the street (unless you want to fight the neighbor and need to exit the car.) If you are curious about the weather outside, you don’t need to open your car door.
One day I’m going to forget to go 50 miles an hour in a 35 mile an hour zone. I’m going to go my usual 70 miles an hour and hit your door. Then you will have a car with no door. Maybe I’ll be liable. Maybe I won’t but you will remember to close your door in the future.
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