I wish Hillary would leak some controversy about herself. She’s just so boring and a bit of a wet blanket. I like edgy candidates and every time I see her on television I yawn.
I think I would vote for Hillary if I found out she had a boyfriend on the side named John Paul, a 23 year old musician who didn't make more than twenty thousand a year. John Paul would be even more interesting if he shared a studio loft apartment with three roommates, one of which was a bisexual trapeze artist. I think I may even vote for her if we found out that every Friday night, they all played beer pong together and occasionally she won.
I think I would vote for Hillary if I found out she rode a motorcycle. I think it would be fascinating to find out that she was part of a biker’s club and that she revved up her hot pink bike every Saturday. She could even just drive her bike up and down her driveway. I wouldn’t care. I think it would be even better if her motorcycle had streamers or a big yellow flag in the back.
I think I would be more inclined to vote for Hillary if she had a pet pig named Lester that she did aerobics with every morning. I would even vote for her if she admitted that Lester was actually her campaign manager and made her crucial daily campaign decisions. Finally, I think it would be cool to find out that Lester and she played tag every morning and Scrabble every night.
I don’t care what anyone says. Hilary’s boring and lame. I’m glad she’s not an axe murderer but I do wish that she was a bit more edgy.
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