Dedicated to the Hollywood Bouncer

Dedicated to the Hollywood Bouncer

Bouncers in Hollywood believe that they are so important because for five hours a day they make crucial and life changing decisions that regularly affect the world. After all, deciding who will get into a club is almost as important as protecting our streets from criminals, right?

You are not important if after work, you go home to a studio apartment, hanging off the 101 freeway with a cracked window and a 90 year old manager. If you drive to the club in a 1971 Pinto with a missing front and back fender you are not important. If you have to start your car with a screwdriver, then you are not that important in the world. Important people are important 24 hours a day. You are semi important for maybe four. The other hours in the day, you spend sleeping, avoiding late notices from the gas company, eating baloney sandwiches, and scratching yourself.

A bouncer is one of the few jobs out there where all you need is a first grade education and a criminal record to be successful. The only prerequisite is that you can read names off a guest list, stand in front of a dingy rope for 5 hours looking like a constipated bulldog, flirt with girls completely out of your league, and kick out folks who puke on the dance floor. That’s it. You weren’t hired to find a cure for AIDS and you aren’t the commander of an army. It's time to realize you aren’t that important.